Life for me is difficult, especially with my current situation. I finally finished my studies and I welcome myself to the excruciating but very exciting world of employment. At least for me who is living in a country that makes employment a struggle. Or maybe it’s a struggle because I’m unemployed right now (after the previous company I worked for closed) and at the same time, I’m the breadwinner of my family. I think reaching this stage of my life is the hardest and almost unbearable for me. How hard I wish I’m a kid again who is worry free and doesn’t see life as messed up. Now, maybe as you read this you’re confuse why am I the only one working in the family or breadwinning them. Let me give a very brief background.
My father moved out of the house two years ago. He works as a waiter in a cruise ship. Monthly we receive a mandatory of almost 50% of his salary, and that is about P20,000 here, and that is quite a lot. However, not enough. We are a family of five and all of us his children are studying. We even had to change our lifestyle to cope up with our situation because he used to spoil us with so many unnecessary things in life as we grow. As for my mother, she stays at home to take care of my paternal grandmother (my father’s maternal aunt; my immediate grandmother and my mom don’t get along well) in which she gets extra credit. Then my father had to stop working a year ago because of his health condition, and his age might also be a reason. The money stopped as well. Afterwards, my father did not even try to support us, at all. Hence, we had no more source of income but everything from the works of my mom.
If you were wondering how I managed to finish my studies and my two younger brothers continue going to school, it’s because we are blessed with extremely supportive and helpful uncles. We were able to get into good schools because of their help. These uncles of ours are the children of whom my mom takes care of. Uncle Arvin supported my studies and most of our financial needs since I started high school. Both of my uncles who supports us have their own families and responsibilities but chose to continuously supports us. By which I am, and will always be grateful.
Back to what I really wanted to write about.
Too much pressure
Now I hope you understand how much pressure it is for me to carry this whole lot of responsibilities, especially when I lost a job in the moment where it’s difficult to look for the right job. Looking for a job became difficult for me since I need to consider important things: work location, nature of work, and the pay — most especially the pay. I need to make sure that it would suffice our needs. Of course, being turned down by employers happen and it’s definitey time consuming.
One month after resigning from my previous job, I still got nothing. Christmas is approaching and I know I need the money to give us a simple yet wonderful way to end our year. Plus, this could be the first time that I could provide for them. It’s building too much pressure on me day after day, to my mom as well. We came to a point, my mom and I, where she had to say things, hurtful things about me and how my job hunting goes. I know that she doesn’t mean them to be hurtful. Giving me silent treatment after a disagreement is what makes everything difficult for me, just when I needed her the most. I just had to ignore it and make my own decisions for now to move on and focus on what I had to do. Thankfully, I have the best person to talk to when I don’t feel well: my boyfriend. The best person to be with who makes difficult moments like this bearable.
Lesson in every challenge is there
You see, becoming the breadwinner of my family is a big challenge for me. The pressure it builds even affect my relationship with my mother because both of us are trying our best to keep up, and life must be dragging her down too much. But no matter how hard this might get, I think the beauty of this challenge is that this will make me stronger, and to appreciate the hardwork I do. I love my family and being able to pass this challenge will return me the highest favor of true happiness.
I think the most important thing I’ve learn in becoming a breadwinner is to stay focus, keep my priorities straight, and keep a strong heart. It will all pay me off with the most satisying, genuine happiness.